Family
Church Planting and Pastoral Ministry
By D. Patrick, M. Dever | 11.29.2011Darrin Patrick shares about the struggles of planting a church, leading his family, engaging culture, and more in this personal and wide-ranging interview.
Book Review: Wired for Intimacy, by William Struthers
Review by Deepak Reju | 9Marks Journal: Church and Parachurch: Friends or Foes? | 01.31.2011Struthers’ research helps us to understand how pornography rewires the brain.
Book Review: The Masculine Mandate: God’s Calling to Men, by Richard Phillips
Review by Jonathan Leeman | 9Marks Journal: Hell: Remembering the Awful Reality | 07.13.2010At the risk of undermining the reader’s confidence in my objectivity, I have to admit that I have nothing negative to say about the book.
Book Review: Radical Womanhood, by Carolyn McCulley
Review by Kristin Jamieson | 9Marks Journal: Pastoring Women | 06.25.2010This book has helped me understand feminism and respond to it biblically. As a result, it has spurred my growth in biblical womanhood, which truly is a radical way to live.
Book Review: Family Driven Faith, by Voddie Baucham
Review by Michael Lawrence | 9Marks Journal: Family & Parenting | 04.02.2010Baucham has done a service to the church by calling us back from a wrong-headed trust in programs and professionals.
What are some practical ways for a pastor to love his children?
9Marks
Have deliberate, weekly one-on-one time with each of your children, probably to include playing, reading scripture, or praying.
Date your daughters.
Leave the church at church so dad can be dad at home.
Take a child with you on visits or short trips.
Take an interest in what your children enjoy doing.
What are some practical ways for a pastor to love his wife?
9Marks
When a church interviews you for the position of pastor, explain that they are hiring you and not your wife (the Bible says nothing about elders’ wives). When the church asks what she will do, explain that she intends to join the church and be a member, just like everyone else.
Help guard her heart from the church’s extra expectations of her.
Give her space to define her own role in the church.
What are some practical ways for a pastor to love his family?
9Marks
Take the initiative to establish a plan for family worship, then follow the plan!
Come home at the exact time you say you will be home and prepare your heart to serve your family, not be served.
Take responsibility for your children’s education and discipline—don’t leave it to your wife to figure out.
What are some important lessons for parents to learn about their children?
9Marks
Little kids need the strength of your youth; older kids need your wisdom (so have children while you’re young!).
Pack in truth while your children are little and trust the Lord to unpack it in his time.
Study your children. Know their “love language.”
Consistent, loving, faithful discipline brings peace to the home. Inconsistency brings chaos.
What are some important lessons for parents to learn about themselves?
9Marks
To be a faithful steward of your children you must abide in Christ (John 15:5).
Trickle-down theory: Mom’s daily devotions naturally trickle down to encouragement and instruction in the Lord for the children.
Not listening to your children causes you to misjudge them (James 1:19-20).
Our task list is not as important as our children’s thought life.
Preach the gospel of grace, not self-discipline.
Being parented is defining; parenting is refining.
What should I avoid in parenting?
9MarksThe one sentence answer is that parents should avoid wrongly provoking their children: “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” (Col. 3:21). Again, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).
Here are ten ways to wrongly provoke your children:
What are some common temptations parents and families face?
9Marks
Sunday morning struggles. It seems that Satan often comes into our homes on Sunday mornings in order to make the Lord's Day a day of struggle. So pray, rise early, and be patient.
Pressure from other people (other church members, Christian grandparents, etc.) to baptize your children. Resist such outward pressure. Instead, look for and test for a credible profession of faith in your child (Prov. 22:15).
What steps should an elder take if he’s uncertain as to whether or not his child’s behavior is disqualifying?
9Marks
Pray. Ask God for a humble heart.
Study and meditate on the relevant passages (1 Tim. 3:4-5; Tit. 1:6).
Seek instruction from your fellow elders.
Confess your sin and be transparent with your fellow elders. Don’t hold things back— remember that God already knows your sin and will forgive you because Jesus Christ is the propitiation for your sins (1 John 2:1-2).
Receive critical evaluation and consider it together with your wife.
At what point does a child’s misbehavior disqualify his father from being an elder or pastor?
9Marks
Once a child is independent of his parents, he’s outside his parents’ authority as it relates to Paul’s remarks in Titus. When a kid is on his own, he’s on his own. No amount of good parenting can guarantee that someone will profess Christ and live accordingly once the child has grown and left the home.
